“Be Yourself” ~ thoughts on a potentially dangerous romanticism

First of all, let me just say this: You should absolutely be yourself.

You shouldn’t spend your life pretending to be someone you’re not. Or trying to be like someone else that you maybe admire and look up to. Or going with the crowd and giving into peer pressure. You should live your life in Truth, and stick to your values, and know that you were created by God in a unique, specific way for a specific purpose.

That being said, I’ve been thinking about this lately. And I’m beginning to think the whole “Be Yourself” thing is a little romanticized. A little over glorified.

I mean, what does it even really mean? We hear the words, and we think, Yes! and this vision fills our head of ourselves finally being who we’ve always wanted to be. We ponder the things that we use to define ourselves—our craziness, our quietness, our love of soft rock or opera, our passion for honesty and truth—and think, that’s me. If we could just grasp that, and learn to be ourselves, all our problems will be solved.

Okay. But let’s break this down a bit.

Here’s the first hard truth about that vision. It’s not really… you.

I get caught in this trap sometimes, when I’m dreaming about the future, where I start to picture myself as this kind of super-woman/perfect version of myself. I’m free, and happy, and untouchable. And then reality crashes the party, and I realize… who are we kidding? It’s just going to be me there in the future.

But I’ve created this idealistic shell version of myself where I don’t really carry pain, or grief, or insecurities of any kind. And it’s totally fake and shallow. It’s not the version of me that God created—fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s the version of me that I’ve created. An idol, in all honesty.

I’m also often caught up putting my identity in things. The things I love, the things I do. I feel very deeply about just about everything (unless I don’t care about it at all 😝), and even though a lot of times I’m really thankful for that, occasionally it’s not a good thing. Because what happens when God tells me to let go of those things? Those things that I’m holding onto tightly and saying, “No, I can’t. I love that about myself. That’s part of who I am.”

Heh heh. Being yourself isn’t such an inspiring image when that happens.

Hard Truth No. 2. Learning to be yourself—even the right way—is not going to solve all your problems. It may solve some of your personal problems, sure. But long story short, It doesn’t make you untouchable. No matter who you are, or what you do, you’re going to be scorned. People are going to misunderstand you. And you can still get really hurt if you’re not careful.

Which leads me to the third hard truth. Being yourself is just not enough.

Well, here’s where the rubber meets the road. The whole problem about “being yourself” is that it leads us into ourselves, where we’re met with shallowness, and idolatry, and grief and pain. And it leads us away from the Truth, which is that the best version of ourselves is in Christ Jesus.

It’s true. God created you a certain way. He gave you a specific personality that’s so intricate you will never quite fit into one of the 16 boxes, or 9 numbers. He’s the God of miracles, and Creation, and Resurrection. And He created you SO fearfully and wonderfully, which is a miracle itself on so many levels. The fact that He knows you like waffles, and oversized sweaters, and dancing, and all those romantic things—the fact that HE KNOWS. . . Man. It makes those things begin to feel a bit petty.

He cares when you’re hurt by people who speak harshly and don’t really see your heart, and He’s there for you to talk to and figure things out. He provides the healing you can’t reach inside yourself and find. He is the only Depth for you, when your dreams begin to look shallow and empty. He is the Magnificence and Wonder that give you strength to let go of petty idols and instead hold onto Him.

The Beautiful Truth is, the answer to your problems is not found in being yourself. It’s found in being in Him.

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So, anyway. Those are just some of my thoughts. What are some of yours? Hit me up in the comments below! I’d love to talk to you!

Much love,
Chalice